Goatse Security

Gaping Holes Exposed

Open Letter to Lee Vartan, Assistant United States Attorney in regards to the Goatse Security iPad case.

14 Comments »

Howdy Lee,

Originally, I was outraged by your prosecutorial efforts against me and my associates, and extremely shaken up due to the unjust search of my home, in multiple violations of the Fourth amendment. I believe that the emotional stress caused by my multiple-day solitary confinement without cause, and the accumulated effect of previous harassment by the government lead me to treat you less respectfully than I should have. However, recently I was at the law library, my usual resource for ethical guidance, and I started reading Thomas Paine. There, I experienced a revelation as to how to best proceed in dealing with your actions.

“He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.”
- Thomas Paine, Dissertation on First Principles of Government

I’m writing to help clarify the situation in which we continue to find ourselves. It appears, despite the obvious facts surrounding the events, that you are continuing to attempt my legal prosecution. While information security experts worldwide (many of whom your department hire as expert witnesses), law analysis groups, consumer affairs groups and lay citizens continue to support me, you still investigate me for some alleged obscure criminal act. While I generally support your mission, Lee, I think you’re being lead astray by a desire for professional distinction.

I am sure that you are probably under great pressure to produce something, as evidenced by your use of quasi-legal means such as your questionable search warrant, the ensuing negative publicity for your office and name, and the growing number of people asking why you are doing this. These influences upon your judgments are of no matter; ultimately, you will be held accountable to the people for your actions. I’m sure that the strain is beginning to take a toll on your personal and professional relationships, and as I am, and always have been, a supporter of the United States’ government, I’d like to offer some friendly advice before irreparable damages from your errors spread to other aspects of the Department of Justice.

Here are the options available to you, and my advice for each:

1. Continue holding Grand Jury sessions and force an indictment.
I can in no way advise this as it will harm your professional reputation and force the Department of Justice to engage in the manufacture of evidence. Social responsibility has always been at the core of everything we do at Goatse Security, and this will be extraordinarily obvious at a trial. Goatse has done large amounts of documented work in project areas such as combating safe havens for pedophiles worldwide, protecting US infrastructure, and keeping US citizens safe from Russian and Chinese organized crime. The DoJ has also pursued these projects, quite well at times, but we should work together for a common goal instead of fighting for territory, and wasting our fiscal and legal resources. At Goatse, we do not have a large advertising budget like the DoJ and FBI; our publicity comes from citizen recognition of national stewardship and skillful work. I hope that you don’t see this as competition to your own great work in the area, but allow me to communicate that I believe that we could both do better

2. Stop this investigation.
Given the vulnerable position the DoJ is in as a result of your actions, you may be required to resign. I am very sorry for this prospect, but there are many great opportunities available for you in the private sector, and just because you will not be employed by the people at large does not mean that you will not be able to help make the country a better, safer and healthier place for us all to enjoy. We at Goatse give back, with daily volunteer work, which we are able to accomplish in our free time due to the gains we make by working in the private sector. We find this the most healthful and heartiest form of patriotism, as it not only allows total agency and freedom of choice, so that citizens can give in the ways they are most capable, but also minimizes bureaucratic costs we all bear as brothers and sisters in this great nation.

3. Publicly accept assistance from Goatse Security.
While the smear campaign your agency has launched against Goatse and myself personally may make this difficult, I’m sure that fully disclosing the rationale behind it would secure the public’s forgiveness and understanding for you and the DoJ. Lest it go unsaid, a friendly hand extended in partnership would earn Goatse’s respect and forgiveness as well. As always, we are more then happy to work with you hand in hand for a stronger country. If you are unable to do this for political reasons, we understand but we would not want you to dishonor your family or the legal education they’ve helped you attain by making choices which are wrong. AT&T needs to be held accountable for their insecure infrastructure as a public utility and we must defend the rights of consumers over the rights of shareholders.

I pray for you, Lee. I pray for you to see wisdom in your actions, and pray for you to be guided towards righteousness. I advise you to discuss this matter with your family, your friends, victims of crimes you have prosecuted and your teachers, for they are the people who would have been harmed had AT&T been allowed to silently bury their negligent endangerment of United States infrastructure.

Hugs and Courage To You,
Andrew

14 Responses

Brilliantly articulated!

  • @Tomas Cokis
    ‘Brilliantly articulated’
    What? or is it irony?
    Whatever, there are at least three counts of libel aimed at Justice Vartan, several counts of admitted illegal behaviour, baseless allegations and a clear attempt to sway judgement before the court hearing… brilliant… not!
    Repetition of any of this in court would have him on contempt charges at the very least.
    It’s not a crime to be delusional, but it doesn’t excuse you from breaking the law of the land – fair or otherwise.
    Dim-witted stoner more like.

    • @frac
      firstly, it IS brilliantly articulated. secondly, that you can look for fault in a man trying to do the right thing speaks volumes to the reason why the legal system in this country is hated by so many. it is a incoherent patchwork of nonsense that is made to serve the rich and powerful at the expense of those who empower them. a FAR cry from the values the framers laid out. try reading the document he quoted from in the beginning, as a start. from there go read some more history from that period. then search your soul, because if andrew and others like him are not allowed to continue their work, then it will be you and your liberty that will continue to suffer. forget the law of the land, do the right thing. i’d rather be a so-called dimwitted stoner than a callous automoton.

  • the smart choice is option three

  • Sounds like something written by perhaps a 10th grader who has learned a few big words and read a few books which he totally misunderstood. Sophomoric. Stick with programming and hire a good attorney to represent you. It is obvious that you will always be self-employed. So surprised to see the .fr ! Ha ha

    • You do know that you are full of sh*t, right? The letter was very well articulated for the subject. I doubt very seriously that you could do any better. Besides that why are you attacking his writing skills and ignoring the content of the letter? Get a life lady. F*cking automaton.

  • @frac — it’s a positioning statement, and exposing for things for which the government powers tend to overstep their boundaries from time to time.

    There is no libel if these claims are not baseless. In the points that have been expressed, it’s very clear that they are backed up with a rational reasoning behind them.

    Not to mention, we’re talking about the DoJ Attorney Assistant General…which he’s considered a “Public Figure”. Under the free speech laws, if you’re a public figure, Libel gets very difficult to prove. You can say anything bad about the President you want, but you cannot state harm against him.

    This article is also very civil if I might add, and points out a lot of good facts about holes in the systems in which we live our daily lives, not once stopping to realize that an imminent attack or creep lives among us. We should be thankful that there are groups beyond just the government, willing to protect our freedoms.

    And for that, I thank you Andrew.

  • A well written plea for common sense to a high level public servant, who more than likely does believe in the core value of the morality and questionable nature of the issues this case represents.

    Regardless, as the writer, Andrew, points out, He, the DoJ AAG is probably just doing what his superiors tell him to. And most certainly as this case comes closer to conclusion, questioning his position on this matter.

    I will point out however, with a degree of certainty, that as most high level public figures are wont to do, that He, the AAG, is more worried about his career, and the possibility of climbing up the structural ladder or perhaps his slide to the bottom or even off the ladder, than serving the public and the ideals his department are supposed to represent.

    As an interested observer, and an outsider looking in, I hope that you, Andrew, and your fellow members in your organisation, are found fully exonerated of any charges of malicious and criminal behaviour by your governments justice system and that this case will serve to be a precedent that will be recognised worldwide by any other official body governing these quite grey areas.

    To the people attacking this mans plea for logical thought and the recognition of the USA’s lauded bill of rights and justice system, I advise that you rethink your standing on this issue and perhaps give further contemplation to the very core of the matter at hand.

    Then again, my opinion is mine only, and you are quite entitled to yours. But to express your opinion based purely on an emotional standpoint or due to the way you understand this issue only serves to illustrate your misconceptions and/or your lack of proper logical thought process.

    With kind regards, and a sincere hope for the proper outcome,

    Blinking Red Light

    edit: Due to my accessing to the site via a proxy service this comment may be posted twice, my apologies to the web host, and if this is the case please remove this edited post.

  • It’s a shame that Weev never learned tact. No offense but the kind of lifestyle he gravitated towards has always been more than a little destructive and somewhat counter-productive.

    Goatse.Security has an excellent team, though I do question their tactics and wonder if maybe the organisation as a whole would benefit from a proper (and professional) handling of their professional interactions and publicity on a whole. I have to agree with (part of) Eliza’s post here, get a good attorney.

    Breaking something and then letting the owner know you broke it by sticking your tongue out isn’t going to win you any friends.

  • way to censor peoples responses here Mr.Moderator. I thought my previous comment was pretty much on the level considering how well known Mr.Auernheimer is to me and mine.

    lol. w/e

    Why don’t you guys concentrate on filling the gaping hole in your brains you fkn E-tards.

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